MINDFULNESS MATTERS: Emotions During a Divorce

by Cynthia Runge

Tips on processing your emotions during a divorce.

Perhaps one of the more difficult emotions to work through in a divorce is the feeling of betrayal, especially if there has been infidelity in the marriage. Whether the experience happens during a long or short-term marriage, the feeling of shock and disbelief upon learning about a betrayal can be hard to move past.  

It is important to recognize that it is normal to need time and space from which to heal when learning about betrayal. Sometimes, in retrospect, the signs were always there, but for whatever reason, we chose not to see them. Other times, the unknowing party may be completely blindsided upon the discovery. It can take a long time to forgive someone who has deliberately concealed or lied about an affair, whether it is physical, emotional or both.

How do you process the realization that the life you thought you had never really existed? First, take the time to feel the emotions, not bury them. Confide in a family member or trusted friend to talk about your feelings. Make time and space to grieve the loss in a way that feels manageable for you. Let the emotions move through you so you can move on in time. While it is normal to need to time to process your emotions, holding onto the pain only continues to hurt you. Forgiveness does not absolve someone’s betrayal, but when you are ready, it can free you to move forward with a better life. There is well known poem by the poet Rumi called,“The Guest House” which gives an interesting perspective to think about the human experience:  

https://www.thepoetryexchange.co.uk/the-guest-house-by-rumi

When your life is in the midst of upheaval, it can be hard to imagine that things can be better. Make sure you stay connected to people who support and care about you. Find counsel who understands and supports your goals and objectives. If you have questions about the divorce process, call us — we’re here to help.

This article appeared in our Summer 2021 Newsletter.