CHILD SUPPORT AND CUSTODY

Feinstein v. Feinstein

How to talk about College With Your Ex After Divorce?

For some parties, one of the most difficult challenges after a divorce is developing or continuing open and inclusive communication about the kids. Without regular and open communication, either party may find themselves left out of the loop regarding important educational, medical, and religious decisions for their children. Such was the situation in Feinstein v. Feinstein, a 2019 decision that dealt with communication about a college decision gone awry.

In Feinstein, a divorcing mother and father of 2 sons agreed to discuss and reach a mutual agreement as to where their oldest son would attend college before either one enrolled him. Unfortunately, communication between the parties was lacking or non-existent, giving rise to what the judge referred to as “complex communication issues.”

Mother believed that the son was communicating with father, while the son was only giving minimal information about his application materials to father. The mother and father did not try to communicate with each other, assuming their child was filling the other in. After a muddled sequence of communications, the mother enrolled the son in a college in Arizona, believing the son had told his father. Father learned about the situation through a guidance counselor months later. Even though the mother was not found to have violated the agreement, based on honest communication mistakes, she was left to pay a significantly larger portion of the son’s college tuition than originally agreed to.

Misunderstandings and expenses could have been avoided if the parties kept communication channels open, instead of assuming the other had the necessary information. The takeaway: Make sure to check in with your ex-spouse about major life decisions for your children, for everyone’s benefit.